Dear You,
Uh, hello.
(Yes, it definitely feels weird to be typing again when I've been gone for like, the whole of 2015)
But in all honesty, please believe me when I say that I am truly sorry and quite disappointed at myself for letting this blog collect dust for so many months. I still spot some stray leaves being blown by some phantom wind over there in the corner.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
But I know you're all being like:
I know. I deserve to be stood on a stage and get thrown tomatoes (or rotten eggs, whatever it is they normally use) at for abandoning blogging like that. But please, let me explain.
You still remember my January Wrap-up, right?...or at least I hope you do. So you remember the despair in my post that was radiating off the screen. I was dreading that I wouldn't be able to blog and, at the same time, keep up with school and club activities. Well, I was right. So. Freaking. Right.
For the entire 2015, I was studying, going to club acitivities, and back to homework/studying. School practically consumed my life, I'm not even trying to dramatize the situation here. After I was done with a school test and thought I'd have to time to read or blog, I found out that I had to keep going, to catch up with the school syllabus and god - I had 10 subjects on my plate! (Perks of Being A Student in Asia) How in the blazes would I ever have time to do the things I enjoyed?!
For the entire 2015, I was studying, going to club acitivities, and back to homework/studying. School practically consumed my life, I'm not even trying to dramatize the situation here. After I was done with a school test and thought I'd have to time to read or blog, I found out that I had to keep going, to catch up with the school syllabus and god - I had 10 subjects on my plate! (Perks of Being A Student in Asia) How in the blazes would I ever have time to do the things I enjoyed?!
Oh yes, you read that right. I didn't even have time to read.
I can feel the rage of many readers thrown at me right now - you, spitting and fuming and throwing curses at me right at the screen for giving such a lame excuse. ("Didn't have time to read?! Oh, come on!) But hey - at least I'm honest with you. I'm not trying to cover up the ugly truth.
For as long as I can remember, reading for me has always been enjoyable, but not required. Sure, last year since I started book blogging I've been a bit pressurized to read more constantly, but that was always my own choice. I relished the few spare hours I had to read every week, but now that I've finally come close to my last year of high school, graduation, and (gulp!) THE huge, scary, and "life-defining" exam, that feeling of having to dedicate every nanosecond of my time to studying has plagued me the entire school year. I wouldn't allow myself to mentally relax. A coiled spring ready to be released, is what I've been like this entire year. I put away Goodreads, Tumblr, Twitter, YouTube - all of that.
So I didn't want to use the rare relaxing hours I had on weekends to read or do anything relatively bookish, because I couldn't properly relax. I'd have a constant reminder buzzing around in my head that after this short rest, I'd need to resume my studying or complete homework that teachers assigned for the weekend. Like I said, I wanted to excel in my academics. I didn't want to taint my reading experience by reading on a really stressed spirit. I didn't want to keep my stress levels down by reading as it would have done - I wanted to keep the momentum going as I had at the start of this term. Therefore, until the long-awaited two-month holiday (which is now), I had to put away reading.
But why wait all this time to blog, you ask?
You know that feeling when you haven't done something in a long time, and suddenly you're scared to even touch it, for fear that everything you've accomplished will come falling down, shattering to pieces because damn, you've neglected it and now you're frightened of ruining your former glory in that area with your inexperience?
That's what I've been like - wanting to use the holidays to blog but what if I've lost the hang of it???
SO. MANY "WHAT-IFs".
I realize now that I'm wrong. If I could do it before, I can do it now, even if I'm a little out of practice.
(I realize that my explanation sounded a lot more complicated then I'd hoped it not to be.)
For as long as I can remember, reading for me has always been enjoyable, but not required. Sure, last year since I started book blogging I've been a bit pressurized to read more constantly, but that was always my own choice. I relished the few spare hours I had to read every week, but now that I've finally come close to my last year of high school, graduation, and (gulp!) THE huge, scary, and "life-defining" exam, that feeling of having to dedicate every nanosecond of my time to studying has plagued me the entire school year. I wouldn't allow myself to mentally relax. A coiled spring ready to be released, is what I've been like this entire year. I put away Goodreads, Tumblr, Twitter, YouTube - all of that.
So I didn't want to use the rare relaxing hours I had on weekends to read or do anything relatively bookish, because I couldn't properly relax. I'd have a constant reminder buzzing around in my head that after this short rest, I'd need to resume my studying or complete homework that teachers assigned for the weekend. Like I said, I wanted to excel in my academics. I didn't want to taint my reading experience by reading on a really stressed spirit. I didn't want to keep my stress levels down by reading as it would have done - I wanted to keep the momentum going as I had at the start of this term. Therefore, until the long-awaited two-month holiday (which is now), I had to put away reading.
But why wait all this time to blog, you ask?
You know that feeling when you haven't done something in a long time, and suddenly you're scared to even touch it, for fear that everything you've accomplished will come falling down, shattering to pieces because damn, you've neglected it and now you're frightened of ruining your former glory in that area with your inexperience?
That's what I've been like - wanting to use the holidays to blog but what if I've lost the hang of it???
SO. MANY "WHAT-IFs".
I realize now that I'm wrong. If I could do it before, I can do it now, even if I'm a little out of practice.
(I realize that my explanation sounded a lot more complicated then I'd hoped it not to be.)
But not all is bad! I finally have time to put aside school and club activities (which, sadly, is starting again this Saturday), and focus on reading again! I've been powering through so many books this month! And I'm happy that at the very least, I get two months to shove the stress out of my mind and replace it with divine books.
And, my hard work paid off! Although I didn't achieve any reading goals (in fact, I'm doing quite the opposite - ignoring them) my overall grades this year were way better than any of my past high school grades. So all's well, I guess. Even though I've been all stressed out the whole term, I finally achieved what my past-self have only been dreaming of attempting. I set my mind straight that I needed to pull myself together this year and get higher grades - and I did it! The process was kind of excruciating, but it was something that I chose to do. I don't regret anything at all!
Christmas is coming up, and since I don't have any Christmassy blogposts published at the moment (although I'll certainly come up with some after I finish writing this sad version of a explanation/apology) I'll leave you with this - I'm getting the new illustrated edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone on this Christmas Eve! (I'm late to the party, I know.) With my own money, of course - I'm Chinese and I live in Asia, my parents don't celebrate Christmas, but they're bringing me to a huge mall on Christmas Eve to feel the Christmas spirit. I can already imagine the book glowing up on my shelf. Aaaah... *drools*
Double Huzzah!
Plus, I'm getting the hang of blogging again - my fingertips are practically buzzing with the magic that is book blogging. I'll try to publish some upbeat bookish blogposts to spruce up this blog (the ideas are already flying around in my head). Next year will definitely have me even more frazzled than this year as I'm sitting for "THE-MOST-IMPORTANT-EXAM-OF-YOUR-LIFE" exam but once it's over and I'm returned to my right senses, hopefully I'll jump right back in to book blogging again! Honestly, book blogging is so fun - I get to talk about the things that I'm most passionate about, duh - and I'm sad that I don't have the fortune of being able to dedicate most of my time to it, but a student's gotta do what a student's gotta do, right?
And before I sign off, have a very Merry Christmas! I hope you drink some hot chocolate that make your insides all warm and fuzzy where you live.
Best Wishes,
Kat
Kat