For the entire 2015, I was studying, going to club acitivities, and back to homework/studying. School practically consumed my life, I'm not even trying to dramatize the situation here. After I was done with a school test and thought I'd have to time to read or blog, I found out that I had to keep going, to catch up with the school syllabus and god - I had 10 subjects on my plate! (Perks of Being A Student in Asia) How in the blazes would I ever have time to do the things I enjoyed?!
For as long as I can remember, reading for me has always been enjoyable, but not required. Sure, last year since I started book blogging I've been a bit pressurized to read more constantly, but that was always my own choice. I relished the few spare hours I had to read every week, but now that I've finally come close to my last year of high school, graduation, and (gulp!) THE huge, scary, and "life-defining" exam, that feeling of having to dedicate every nanosecond of my time to studying has plagued me the entire school year. I wouldn't allow myself to mentally relax. A coiled spring ready to be released, is what I've been like this entire year. I put away Goodreads, Tumblr, Twitter, YouTube - all of that.
So I didn't want to use the rare relaxing hours I had on weekends to read or do anything relatively bookish, because I couldn't properly relax. I'd have a constant reminder buzzing around in my head that after this short rest, I'd need to resume my studying or complete homework that teachers assigned for the weekend. Like I said, I wanted to excel in my academics. I didn't want to taint my reading experience by reading on a really stressed spirit. I didn't want to keep my stress levels down by reading as it would have done - I wanted to keep the momentum going as I had at the start of this term. Therefore, until the long-awaited two-month holiday (which is now), I had to put away reading.
But why wait all this time to blog, you ask?
You know that feeling when you haven't done something in a long time, and suddenly you're scared to even touch it, for fear that everything you've accomplished will come falling down, shattering to pieces because damn, you've neglected it and now you're frightened of ruining your former glory in that area with your inexperience?
That's what I've been like - wanting to use the holidays to blog but what if I've lost the hang of it???
SO. MANY "WHAT-IFs".
I realize now that I'm wrong. If I could do it before, I can do it now, even if I'm a little out of practice.
(I realize that my explanation sounded a lot more complicated then I'd hoped it not to be.)